Wentworth Falls, New South Wales
‘Doug, can I get you anything – anything at all?’
Barry the barman was now quite annoyed,
His patience was gone, he was unemployed –
‘Soon I’m closing.’ I was dozing, leaning on the wall.
She had stood me up and piqued was I.
‘Uh … yes,’ I stammered in pensive mood,
‘So what’ll it be?’ Said he rather rude …
Leigh walked in, said ‘He’ll have a gin,’ with knowing eye.
‘So where’ve you been – it’s nearly three?’
‘Hang on – is it tonic or soda with the drinks?’
The barman interjected against better instincts …
‘Tonic with a twist of lemon, now scoot, if you please; see …’
‘It’s just no good, I’ve run out of puff – I have no tact …’
‘But anything I have is yours, anything at all.
Money, comfort, silly songs, dreadful puns, small …
Trinkets, sweet incense or are you incensed by the fact …’
‘What fact?’ I’ve had my cataracts removed,
I can see clearly now – Lorraine is gone!’
She, Leigh smiled, ‘I’m not worried or put upon.
I’ve bigger fish to fry, it’s too late to try to get in the groove.’
‘Doug, so sorry for the drama and mixed metaphor,
And I know you’ve been waiting for a long interval …’
I said, with fear and dread, ‘Are we, terminable?’
She nodded apologetically, ‘Sorry to be a bore!’
Just then the drinks arrived – I felt numb, losing my grip.
‘And who are you frying?’ said I trying to …
Keep calm and carry on. Then out of the blue,
Barry said, ‘It’s me, she comes on a Monday … with chips!’
The penny dropped! So now I knew what she meant by …
‘Going out for barramundi’ – never on a Tuesday.
Barry added, ‘Lorraine’s me sister, by the way.’
I looked from one to the other, ‘Anything at all left to try?’
‘Nah, Doug you’re a mug’ said Barry, ‘Finish your drink –
‘It’s on the house and then, amscray!’
‘Bottoms up’ I smirked, downing the gin – feeling play …
Full of Dutch courage, ‘Leigh, I’ve got the clap’ and winked.
Bio: James calls this piece an amusing little tale about the break-up of an affair, in a barroom, with a twist. Check out some of James’ other stuff at http://www.biarcsemaj.blogspot.com.au/